Elmo Knows
by Kawaii-babi
Summary: Roger buys a present for his niece and all hell breaks loose. what shall the bohemians do? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Elmo Knows… Chapter 1**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Elmo**

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do NOT own RENT, or Elmo. Though I do own an Elmo plush toy that I am currently dying his fur black… he's going to be tickle me Emo…

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It was a cold December afternoon. Roger was walking along the streets of New York trying to find the perfect gift for his niece, Nicole. _Come on… _He thought. _There has to be SOMETHING she will like… HEY! _He stopped in front of a toy store, where they were having a Sesame Street plush toy sale. _Isn't Sesame Street the show that Nicole's obsessed with?_ Seeing as the cheapest one was the little red dude that Roger was totally petrified of, but Nicole had about a gazillion posters of him, Roger bought him and went back to the loft, hiding the present under his bed, not knowing the evils that would befall upon him and the rest of the bohemians.

The next morning, Roger woke up and noticed a large gash on his chest. _Must have been the cat. Wait a second… we don't have a cat anymore. _Then he looked at his bedside table. _Holy Jesus! There's a knife next to my bed with blood on it. Wait a minute… That's the knife I killed the cat with. It's always next to my bed._ He got up out of bed to put some polysporin on his wound, and then went to go tell Mark about the awesomely creepy present he bought his niece.

"Well Roger…" Mark started, "Elmo does seem like the kind of creature that would kill someone."

"MARK! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! Just because Elmo is a little freaky you think he's going to kill us?" Mark then took a very long second to think. Actually, it was more like an hour or two then he spoke up.

"Yes" he replied, only to find that Roger had walked out the door about a half hour ago to go give the present to his little niece. "Damn you aqua scum" Mark curse under his breath.

_The end.

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_People, this is only the introduction. Please do not think that all chapters will be this short. Elmo scares the hell out of me on case you were wondering. Oh and I know that Roger might not have a niece but who cares?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Elmo Knows… Chapter 2**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Big Bird**

_**Disclaimer: **Read the first chapter you lazy bums!

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It had been a week since the day that Roger went to go give the present to his niece. Turns out his bloody calendar was off by a week so Nicole had to wait to open the present from 'Uncle Rogy'. Since then, Roger has been waking up with a new cut or scratch each morning. This morning, which happened to be Christmas day, Roger woke up to something even worse. He woke up, felt for any new scratches, and when he found none, he turned to get off the bed only to find…

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!" No, he wasn't screaming for his best friend to go see what it was. Next to his bed, he found the filmmaker hanging by his film by the throat, tied to the ceiling, with a piece of red fur caught in some of the tape. Mimi then burst into the loft to see what had happened, and then almost fainted when she saw Mark dangling there.

"Roger! What did you do?" Mimi asked, thinking that it was Roger who had killed Mark.

"Mimi, you've got to believe me. I didn't kill Mark. He was warning me that something like this would happen ever since… ever since…" He tried to finish his sentence but just couldn't.

"Come on Roger, you have to tell me. Ever since what?" Mimi asked. Roger then muttered something under his breath. "What was that?"

Roger then took a deep breath and said, "Ever since I bought that stuffed Elmo for my niece." Roger then broke down in tears and Mimi attempted to comfort him, but it didn't work. They then heard a knock at the door. They opened the door and low-and-behold, Collins and Angel (yes she's alive in my story) walked in, with 5 bottles of stoli.

"Merry Christmas bitches!" Collins yelled, then glanced at Roger and Mimi, who were crying the whole time. "Whoa, what's wrong people? Is Mark dead or something?" At that, Roger ran to the bathroom and Mimi slapped Collins across the face. "What did I do?" Collins asked, oblivious to the fact that Mark was indeed dead.

"I have no idea honey. Why don't we just go leave the stoli on Roger's bed so we don't do anything else to make him cry." Angel suggested. They walked into Roger's room, put the stoli on his bed, then went to walk away, but then Angel's eyes caught something dangling from the ceiling. "C-c-Collins, I th-th-th-think you were r-r-r-r-r-right when you suggested that M-m-m-mark was d-d-d-d-dead." Angel stuttered.

"What was that Ange?" Collins asked, totally freaked out.

"Honey, look up."

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_Dun dun dun! Bet you weren't expecting THAT were you? Sorry to kill off Mark. Please note this is a HORROR fic mostly, so I had to kill someone off. More to come soon. Btw, I need suggestions for freaky deaths, so please PM me._


	3. Chapter 3

**Elmo Knows Chapter 3**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Oscar the Grouch**

_**Disclaimer: **I'm going to stop writing disclaimers for every chapter Go and read the 1st chappie.

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After Mark's tragic death, Roger decided to go visit his little niece and try to destroy Elmo, once and for all. _Perhaps I could get her that big yellow bird. It seems completely harmless, besides the fact that he seems gay. _Roger thought, as he hopped on the metro to his sister's house. He sat down and the metro started to roll. He heard a scream so he looked out the window and saw blood and a disembodied hand. He looked to his right and there was Benny, with his arm stuck between the doors, blood oozing out of his arm. Then Roger thought back to the disembodied hand. _Oh god! First Mark, now Benny! Wait, I don't even LIKE Benny!_ He then rushed over to Benny and saw some red fur caught in the sleeve of Benny's jacket.

After Roger got off the metro, he walked to his sister's house to talk to Nicole about how evil Elmo was. When he got to his sister's house (I'm going to name is sister Catherine) he knocked and Catherine came running to the door.

"Roger!" Caitie yelled. "I'm so glad you're here! Nicole is just so happy that you got her that Elmo toy! Oh Roger, would you like to stay the night? Nikki would love it if you would! Please Roger?" Roger just stood there, wondering how his sister said all of that in one breath, then nodded, because he was so tired after the Benny incident.

"I'd love to Caitie. Umm… do you have an extra shirt? There was kind of an accident on the metro and my friend bled all over me and it's really gross and I think I'm gonna puke so do you think your husband and I are the same size?" Catherine just stood there, wondering how her brother could say that all in one breath then nodded and ran off to her and her husband's closet to get Roger some clothes.

A few hours later, Roger, forgetting about Elmo, got ready for bed and ran to the guest bedroom and went into lala land. He closed his eyes, and then he heard the door open and close. He opened his eyes and saw his niece, with her eyes a milky white colour, holding Elmo and said ever so quietly, yet freakily, "Elmo knows where you live."

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_OMG! My famous line. "Elmo knows where you live." Sorry about the Benny thing. I couldn't think of how to kill him, so I'm just putting him in excruciating pain. REVIEW!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Elmo Knows Chapter 4**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Ernie**

_**Disclaimer: **Grawl

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For the rest of the night, Roger was too scared to move, knowing that Elmo was going to move onto another one of his friends, but which one was the question. _He goes to those I'm closest to. Mark was my best friend, Benny was the guy who let us stay for free at the loft, next is… OH MY GOD! MIMI!_ He jumped out of bed and ran to the phone and dialed his girlfriend's number.

**RING RING** _C'mon Meems, please pick up, please pick up please… _"Hey…" _Thank god…_ "You have reached Mimi Marquez, dancer extraordinaire! I'm not here… Roger, get your fucking lips off of my fucking neck! … So please leave a message after the beep…. Why is it called a beep? Why can't it be called a Bip? **BEEEEEEEEEEP** Roger hung up immediately. _I'm too late, I'm too late, I'm too… _Suddenly, the phone rang. Roger immediately answered.

"Hello?"

"Roger, is that you who just called?" Roger recognized that voice. It was Mimi, only something was a little off/

"Mimi? Is that you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah Roger, it's me. Listen, I just had the scariest thing happen to me…" she sounded so shaken.

"Mimi, was it a little red furry dude?"

"Yeah, Roger. It was. How did you…?"

"Listen Mimi, I bought this little red furry dude for my niece, and ever since then, bad things have been happening. So, what did he try to do?"

"Oh Roger! I woke up with a knife at my neck, so I turned my head and there was this little red dude so I screamed, he put the knife closer to my neck and this white blur pushed him away and he flew out the window." Roger was taken aback by this, seeing as there was nothing white in Mimi's apartment.

"A white blur eh? I'll be there first thing tomorrow. Bye babe."

"Roger?"

"Yeah Meems?"

"I love you." Roger was shocked. They had been dating for a while, but they had never said those three words.

"I… love you too." Roger hung up and turned around, just to see a white blur zoom into the guess bedroom. He ran into the guest bedroom and saw a white pumpkin on the bed.

"Hello Roger." Roger recognized that voice.

"I bet you're here to say 'I told you so", eh, Mark?" The pumpkin just grinned a toothy grin.

"Only genius ex-junkies could figure that one out. Am I right, _Rogy-pooh_?" Roger just stared in disbelief at Pumpkin-Mark.

"You have been spying on me, haven't you, you… pumpkin head albino fuck?"

"HEY! Only Collins is allowed to call me that. And I have to spy on you." Roger just stared.

"Why do you have to spy on me?"

"Not just you, all the bohemians. I was granted passage back to earth as guardian to you guys and assassin to Elmo."

"That's great, we have a pumpkin protecting us. Hey, if you're supposed to protect us, what about Benny?" Super Pumpkin Mark just laughed.

"I just wanted revenge for trying to evict us."

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_THAT WAS MAH LONGEST CHAPPIE! The return Mark, requested bhippy.intellect. Lol! Review!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Elmo Knows Chapter 5**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Bert**

**_Disclaimer: _**_As Joanne said in RENT, 'Shut up'

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It was a cold morning at Roger's sister's house. Super-Duper-Pumpkin-Extraordinaire-Mark was sitting on the bedside table of the guest room and Roger was passed out on the bed. (Wouldn't you pass out if you were up the whole night talking to a white pumpkin with the voice of your dead best friend?) Any who, Roger woke up by the voice of his sister, yelling that some slut was at the door to see him.

"ROGER! SOME SLUT IS AT THE DOOR TO SEE YOU!" See, I told you.

"STOP CALLING MY GIRLFRIEND A SLUT CAITIE AND SEND HER UP HERE!" Roger yelled, slightly aggravated that his sister had called his girlfriend. He then jumped back onto the bed and almost fell asleep, but then he heard the door open, then he heard a scream.

"ROGER! It's the white thing that was in my room last night! Help me!" Roger looked at the bedside table and grinned.

"Believe it or not Meems, that is Mark." Mimi almost passed out.

"Hi Mimi! Elmo knows where you live! BWAHAHAHA! OWW! MIMI! ROGER HIT MY TUMMY! Wait a minute! I don't have a body! MIMI, ROGER HIT ME!" At that, Mimi sweat dropped and hit Roger in the…

"OWIE! Mimi! That hurt!" Roger yelled, in a very high-pitched voice. (Can you guess where Mimi hit him?) Mark then started to laugh his head off… I mean that little thingy on top of a pumpkin. (I have just been informed that it's called a stem.) Roger then glared at Mark.

"Seriously, Mark, we need to figure out who Elmo's going to go for next. He's obviously going for people who are close to me." Mimi then interrupted him.

"How do you know that?" Roger then looked at her like she was stupid or something.

"Well, let's see, first he killed my best friend, then he killed the guy who lets us stay in the loft for free now, and now he attacked my girlfriend. So who do you think he's going to attack next?" Mark then lit up like a light bulb (A white pumpkin lighting up like a light bulb, who would have thunk?)

"Mark, I know that face," Roger started. "So who is it?" Mimi giggled and turned purple from giggling so much, and then she smiled, and giggled some more. Then she calmed down, and started giggling some more. Then she passed out from giggling so much. Mark started knitting a scarf while Mimi was giggling. It was yellow and pink.

"Mark, who is he going after next?" Mark started giggling, and then he stopped.

"You remember when you said you love Mr. Huggles more than anyone, but then you met Mimi?" Roger stared into space for a minute, then the door opened, and someone chucked a ball of fur and fluff at Roger. Roger then understood.

"ELMO KILLED MR. HUGGLES?" Mark nodded.

"THIS… MEANS… WAR!"

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_Hope y'all liked it! REVIEW!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Elmo Knows Chapter 6**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: Elmo's Goldfish Dorothy**

_**Disclaimer: **I seriously need to put this part in. I do NOT own Eric Delko, from CSI: MIAMI. If I did, I swear, he would be mine. He is so much hotter than Roger. I also do not own anything else in relation to CSI: MIAMI. If I did, the hummer would be yellow, Hagen would not exist (he did die though, so I am slightly happier), Horatio would lend me his awesome glasses, Yelina and Ray junior would have never been reunited with Raymond (was anyone else confused by that episode?), Eric would not have a thing with Nathalia Boa Vista (she is the definition of evil. SHE IS THE MOLE!) And Calleigh would still be working in firearms… And that, my friends, is the longest disclaimer I have ever written!_

**_CAUTION: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ELMO BASHING AND A LOT OF OOC STUFF HAPPENING! ALSO, IF YOU HATE SEEING CSI: MIAMI/RENT CROSSOVERS, THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR YOU!

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Mark was standing… sitting… no lying… I mean… rooted, between a crying Roger and an unconscious Mimi. Mark sighed then suddenly, the door burst open and a tall, hot, Cuban man **drool** (back off ladies, he's mine) an average sized Caucasian guy with ginger hair and awesome sunglasses, and a short Caucasian female with blonde hair, all holding guns burst through the door.

"MIAMI DADE PD! KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!" Yelled the Caucasian male. The other two followed him in. The Caucasian man spoke again.

"What do we have here Mr. Delko?" The Cuban man walked over to Mimi and Roger and responded.

"H, we have two victims… One of them is unconscious. She's Hispanic, the other one, Male, Caucasian, crying and cuddling up to a deformed teddy bear."

"Calleigh, do you see any bullets?" Horatio asked the blonde. She searched the room, and then replied.

"Umm… H, there's no blood, and no bullet but there is a pumpkin."

"What's so odd about a pumpkin?" Eric asked. Calleigh looked at Eric like he was a stupid head.

"Seriously, Eric, I think you were only hired because you have a nice body. Okay, Mr. Genius, how often do you find a white pumpkin, in the middle of winter, in New York City?" Mark got so bored of them talking to themselves, so he spoke up.

"Well, how often do you find the Miami Dade PD in New York City? Eh? EH?" They all jumped back at the sound of Mark talking, all of them thinking the same thing. _I didn't know pumpkins could talk. _Horatio then walked up to Mark, bent down and started having a conversation with him.

"Hey little pumpkin! Do you want a cookie? Because I like cookies. You want to know what else I like?" Mark looked at Horatio like he was a crackpot then replied.

"Sure, what else do you like?" Horatio then smiled very brightly and took off his glasses.

"I like the colour yellow, and I want to paint the hummer yellow, but I can't, because _Eric _doesn't like the colour yellow. And since Eric is the hot one, he's allowed to choose the colour, stupid Eric." Unknown to Horatio, Eric was listening in.

"I HEARD THAT! CALLEIGH! HORATIO HURT MY FEELINGS!" Calleigh then walked in between Horatio and Eric.

"Stop it you guys! Seriously! We have an unconscious victim here, we have to tend to her." Just as she said those words, Mimi jolted up, looked up at Eric and squealed like a little schoolgirl.

"Oh my god! It's a guy hotter than Roger! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" Mimi started hyperventilating and passed out again. Calleigh shrugged it off and moved onto Roger. The nudged him with her foot, he looked up and screamed.

"What did I do?" She asked, sounding all innocent. She looked to Horatio and Eric, who were looking at her like she had an extra head or something.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Eric was the first one to speak up.

"Calleigh, look on your shoulder!" Calleigh looked on her shoulder and saw a little red dude holding a knife. She screamed and chucked it out a window. Mark then jumped on her shoulder.

"You know you could of shot him then and there, but NO! You had to chuck him out a window and get him angry so now he's not only going to kill all of my friends, but all of yours and it will be a never-ending circle of dying people and all that jazz.

"Damn you aqua scum." Horatio muttered under his breath, then he put his sunglasses on again and said "Here in Miami…"

"New York." Mark interrupted.

"Here in NEW YORK…" Horatio continued, "We, never, close."

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_LONGEST CHAPPIE YET! I LOVE ERIC DELKO! REVIEW!_


	7. Thingymagiger called Autor's Note

Ok people, I don't think I'm going to update until I get 27 reviews…

I'll update other stories, but not this one…

If you want more, scroll down

Because I'm giving hints for what might happen in the story

And I'm putting a little poll

And I'm seeing who's patient enough to scroll all the way down

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Spoilers:

Another one of the bohemians will die by an overdose of pixie stix

One of the bohemians will be in a scene similar to a scene in ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING

Mimi will buy a pair of healies

Eric Delko will meet someone special

Horatio will give me his awesome sunglasses in exchange for a unicorn

There will be a wedding

Mark will be put in a trevoche (it's a launching thingy) but will not break

Calleigh will try to teach people how to pronounce and spell her last name

POLL 

_Who should die next?_

Collins

Maureen

Joanne

Calleigh

Horatio

Roger

Mimi

_Who should pair up?_

Penelope (my character who is entering soon) and Eric

Calleigh and Horatio

Roger and Baby Bop's yellow blankie (BARNEY ALL THE WAY)

Mimi and a Taco

Elmo and Big Bird

_How should Elmo die?_

Send me suggestions!


	8. Chapter 7

**Elmo Knows Chapter 7**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: That mammoth guy**

_**Disclaimer: **Don't own Baby Bop's blanket, or Jessica Simpson, or anything while I'm on that note. I do, however, own a dog. A fluffy dog. A fuzzy wuzzy cuddly lovable dog. I don't own any drugs or guns for that matter. I also do not own tickle me emo. I should have said that in chapter 1. It belongs to that girl on Video on Trial. Oh and that song from The Wizard of Oz is not mine, though the re-written version is…

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Eric walked onto the crime scene with someone that Horatio didn't know. And when

Horatio Caine doesn't know someone, they must leave the crime scene, or else. Any who, it was a girl, around 5 foot 6, Blackish brown hair, amber eyes and tanned skin. Horatio was puzzled.

"Eric, who is this young lady and what is she doing at my crime scene? You got mad at Mr. Wolfe because of Ms. Sikes always being around the crime scene…" Eric was kind of pissed at Horatio, because Horatio was telling him he did something wrong. Which he was, because no people besides CSIs are supposed to be on the crime scene, because they interfere a lot.

"This, Horatio, is my lovely new girlfriend, Penelope. She is a CSI from Montreal, Canada." Horatio smiled.

"So you're from Canada, eh? You want some maple syrup, eh? EH? I got a beaver in my bag." Horatio took off his glasses, went into his pocket and pulled out a beaver. Penelope slapped Horatio, really hard.

"Why do you Americans think us Canadians always say EH? It's not funny Eric. Yeah, keep on laughing and I'll shoot my gun to where the sun don't shine…" Eric tensed up and laughed nervously, then wrapped his arm back around Penelope. Calleigh then walked in.

"Horatio, shouldn't we be questioning the victims? I mean, that evil little dude, Elmo, is obviously up to no good." Just as she said those words, Mimi woke up again.

"Where am I?" She looked over at Eric. "I had a dream, you were in it." The Latina winked at Eric, and then Roger growled like a dog that had rabies. I mean foam was coming out from all parts of his mouth. His eyes were all wide and creepy. Everyone backed away slowly.

"Umm… Meems, get the ellow blanket that we stole from Barey's friend and the syringe in the fridge that's labeled 'RABIES'." Mark yelled. Mimi nervously giggled. Mark's eyes widened.

"Oh no! You didn't!" Mimi gulped and pulled up her sleeve, revealing a new scratch.

"Oh well, there's some more in the other fridge, right Mimi?" Mimi was puzzled.

"Wait, we have ANOTHER fridge? No wonder the electricity bill is so high!" Mimi exclaimed. Mark, for no apparent reason, did a flip in mid-air. Or was it for no apparent reason?

"OH MY GOD IT'S JESSICA SIMPSON!" Mark announced, blushing, which in turn made him look like a pink pumpkin. Suddenly, everyone turned towards the door and there, in all her glory, was the totally awesomely beautiful snob… I mean ditzy blonde… I mean celebrity, JESSICA SIMPSON! Penelope was the first after Mark to react.

"Oh my god you're Jessica Simpson! You are so not my idol. Any who, I think you were smart to dump Lachey on his ugly little mooching ass. You could do so much better than him!" Jessica looked at her like she was speaking in another language or something.

"You do remember, sweetie, that Jessica Simpson is the woman who said 'Nick! This chicken of the sea tastes like tuna.' Right?" Eric whispered in Penelope's ear, just in case the all mighty Jessica was secretly an all evil tickle me Emo. Penelope then understood. Suddenly, Mark burst through the door, looking very happy.

"Yo Mark!" Roger yelled. "Why are you so happy?" Mark shot Roger with a rabies shot, then yelled.

"DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD. WHICH OLD BITCH? JOANNE THE BITCH. DING DONG THE HOME WRECKER BITCH IS DEAD!" The whole room burst out into laughter and applause.

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_Review_


	9. Chapter 8

**Elmo Knows Chapter 8**

**Written by: Kawaii-babi**

**Edited by: The Human Tickle Me Elmo**

_**Disclaimer: **Ding-dong the bitch is dead…_

_Final Chappie!

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After Joanne's 'tragic' death, the bohemians, the CSIs (which include Penelope) and the awesomely cool pumpkin Mark went to the life café to celebrate… I mean morn the death of the lawyer. Mark got up on the table to start singing, but before he could open his mouth, Benny walked in with a sling around his arm, and a fake hand.

"What happened to your hand?" They all asked in union. Benny sighed.

"Okay, so this little red dude pushed me into the door on the metro, isn't it obvious?" Benny replied, all smart alec-y. Mimi and Roger just laughed uncontrollably, and then they passed out. Mark opened his mouth again, but was stopped by Horatio talking.

"If this happened less than a day ago, there might still be some evidence!" At this, all the CSIs put on their gloves and jumped on Benny, searching for evidence.

"I found some sort of red fiber!" Calleigh exclaimed, holding up a red piece of fur.

"Send it to trace, ASAP. Ryan is so bored in the lab right now, it's not funny. Ms. Wolfe, you now how he gets when he's bored, right?" Horatio said.

"Don't I know it? Being his sister, living with his for the first few years of my life, I am scared of him when he's bored." Penelope said.

"Yo H! I found some ridged detail, not enough for a print, but enough for epithelial." Eric announced.

"Send it to Valera and tell her to rub it through CODIS, please Mr. Delko." Horatio said, getting annoyed with his team asking him what to do with the most obvious things.

"Horatio…" Penelope started, but then Horatio interrupted her.

" I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU GUYS! IF YOU'VE FOUND RIDGED DETAIL, PRINTS, FIBERS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, SEND IT TO THE LAB!" Everyone backed away.

"Um… H, while you were yelling, a little red guy came in and stabbed your leg." Penelope stated, Horatio looked down at his leg, and when he saw the blood, he fainted. Suddenly, everyone heard a distant voice saying, "Elmo knows where you live. He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake." Everyone was totally freaked out, so the CSIs pulled out their guns, except for Horatio, who was out cold.

"Alright! I want everyone to calm down and stay behind me. EVERYBODY CALM DOWN! WHO'S YELLING? STOP YELLING! STOP…" Eric yelled, obviously uncalmly.

"Eric, you're not being too calm yourself, baby. Please calm down before you shoot someone." Penelope said as calmly as possible, but you could still sense her impatience.

"Maybe you should all calm down." Elmo said.

"Thanks Elmo… OH MY GOD! IT'S ELMO! EEEEEEEEK!" Eric screamed like a little schoolgirl, baking up into Penelope, causing her to turn around quickly.

**BANG!**

Everyone turned to see Penelope's gun drawn, pointed at Elmo's lifeless body on the ground, fluff spilling out of him like crazy. Penelope watched in horror.

"Oh my god. I didn't mean to do it! I swear! It's a hair trigger! A sneeze could set it off! Eric, you believe me right?" Penelope asked nervously. Eric wrapped his big, strong arms around her from the back and put his handsome face in the crook of her neck to calm her down. (He's mine, back off people!)

"Shhh, Penny, calm down. Its just Elmo. You didn't kill anyone who didn't need to be killed. You killed Elmo! Be happy! No more dead people! Penelope…" Eric started, and then put his hand in his pocket, obviously looking for something.

"Yes Eric?" Penelope said excitedly, as Eric went down on one knee.

"Will you do me the honor of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of… of…"

"Of what Eric? And what's in your hand?" Penelope asked, very impatiently. Suddenly, Eric opened his hands. Penelope was shocked at what was inside.

"Oh my god, Eric. Are you serious?" Penelope exclaimed.

"Penelope Ariel Wolfe, will you do me the honor of joining me in the search of the perfect pet chicken named Alfred?" Eric asked (You see, in his hands were some adoption papers.)

"OH YES ERIC! I WILL, I DO!" Penelope yelled, jumping into Eric's arms. Everyone started to clap, including Mimi, Roger and Horatio, who all just woke up. Then, Mark finally decided to start singing.

"There is no future, there is no past." Mark started.

"Let's hope this Elmo was the last." Horatio sang, horribly, breaking all the windows and everyone's eardrums, except for Mark, because pumpkins don't have eardrums, so Horatio's singing broke Mark's candle, which was the candle that Mimi asked Roger to light, so Mimi and Roger started crying. While they all smiled and hugged, a little red blur ran past the life café. And they all lived happily ever after… or so they though…

_The end_

* * *

_Hey people! Yay! I'm done! Look out for the sequel 'Elmo Still Knows' which will be out soon!_


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